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AC Chapin
Jun. 4th, 2005
08:20 pm - another company I will never be giving any money to again
Dear Philips,
I think you need to fix the small typo on the packaging for your sbchs320 earphones. "Flexible earhook fits all ears," should continue, "if you are seriously deformed or an elephant." Also, you seem to have left off the directions for use: "Superglue to ears and stay perfectly still. Breathing while using these earphones will cause them to leap off your ears as if launched from a catapult." I'd send you a marked-up version, but , as you well know, I had to shred the package into confetti to get anywhere near these completely useless objects.
no love,
AC
May. 30th, 2005
01:46 pm - letters part nty-nth the nth
Dear people selling pressed dyed wood crochet hooks on ebay,
Your hooks are gorgeous, many of them have handles that are both beautiful and well designed for holding. You get away with charging the earth for them because the pictures make us drool.
But they are not usable as crochet hooks because you are using the infinitely stupid Boye-style head design. It is ugly, when it doesn't catch on fibers it slips your yarnovers, and it just plain slows you down. Inline hooks are the only way to fly. Ask frickin Lily Chin if you don't believe me. Besides which, it's got to be easier to carve.
Please cease being stupid. Until then Susan Bates Brittany gets all my hook money.
frustrated love,
AC
Dear everywhere that sells craft supplies,
Please start stocking uglier fabrics and yarns or better patterns, STAT. My stash just crushed Tokyo.
guilty love,
AC
Dear index cards,
I have bought in the neighborhood of 12000 of you in the past year. Please stop eloping with the socks, pens, sunglasses, and coathangers. I know it's you.
slightly freaked out love,
AC
Dear my printer,
I do repudiate thee, demons of not printing the fucking blue no matter how much ink is in the cartridge.
no love,
AC
May. 20th, 2005
04:58 pm - finals bad, campus pretty
Have got myself flickr page which I promise to update very nearly as often as this lj.
! In other news:
* Have graded. Am dead.
* Am supposed to wear cap and gown for c'ment. Somewhat embarassed that gown is made of mylar. And lost.
** My academic credentials are pastede on yay.
* tiddlywiki rocks my tiny geeklicious sox.
** Very excited, very excited indeed. Have become Welsh markdown victim.
** CamelCaseStillFuglyNewsAt11.
* Am filled with joy of new shoes.
* Another dead computer. Nobody is even a little bit surprised.
* Vacuumed. Expect sporadic low-altitude pigs until mid-afternoon.
Apr. 6th, 2005
03:47 pm - eeeeeeeee
am employed next year.
stress level fall down go boom.
Mar. 20th, 2005
02:55 pm - Happy Flumpday to Char0n
I hope you're having a faintly less stressful day than you've been having. I know the stupid adjustment to your graduation schedule is a real pain, and the hunt for the Great Spotted Grad School is never fun, but just for today maybe you can play games, eat something nice, and hang out with friends.
We don't get to spend much time together even during holidays, now that we both have actual apartments to go home to. I was sorry you couldn't even get away to go to New York. Small boo and I went to the zoo and saw a polar bear waking up exactly like you and then he moseyed down to the water and flumped, while the lady polar bear climbed up onto a high seat rather exactly like a certain royal personage on a kitchen table. We missed you. You would have liked it.
I hope we can get together before too long -- maybe we can do Busch Gardens this summer, or you can come up here and we can do Hershey's Park. We need to go out to dinner and be goofy. We also need to sit around at Snug Harbor and make the Flump chase a small red dot for at least an hour.
But for right now, I guess I'll just have to wish you Happy Birthday and wish for cake from up here in Pennsyltucky. Love you, sweetie.
Mar. 6th, 2005
04:17 pm - categorical denial
I have in no way just watched Rose, nor do I in any way admit that it didn't actually suck.
Feb. 7th, 2005
04:29 pm - divers alarums
Dear Mad 3:48 Bomber What Bombs at 3:48,
You couldn't have waited two minutes to allow class to end so I could have grabbed my jacket and car keys when the alarm sounded?
On the other hand, you created an opportunity to go get bubble tea. Um, yay bubble tea?
-evacuated girl
Jan. 31st, 2005
11:09 pm - coated
Why I love my big red coat:
Me, Aged 5: I am little red riding hood! Lookit!
Gothy Teenage Me: I am a drop of blood against the snow. O, happy woe.
Geeky Fangirl Me: I always wanted a duffle coat like in Curse of Fenric.
Sensible Me: It's warm and I can wear several layers under it and the toggles make it fast. And, really, you can't expect to wear the same black trenchcoat every day for the rest of your life.
Gothy Teenage Me: Bite me.
Sensible Me: Oh go write a sonnet about the Depth of your Pain.
Me, Aged 5: LOOKIT ME! I gotta cute coat! Can we have cookies now?
Geeky Fangirl Me: Hey look guys, I can fit a paperback and a small piece of personal electronics in each pocket!
Meanwhile, how is it possible to be this tired and not sleep? I will pay somebody to knock me out with a two-by-four and/or chloroform me.
08:50 am - I think it must be Monday
Dear World At Large,
I feel like USDA certified grade A semi-organic free-range grim death marinated overnight in raspberry vinagrette, dipped in egg, lightly rolled in a coconut curry breading, flash fried, and served with avacado, brown mustard, and grated carrot on a farm-cut slice of lightly toasted pumpernickle for your pleasure with a small soft drink and side of curly fries.
Do not fuck with me today.
-zombi Me
p.s.: iMac, this means you.
Jan. 26th, 2005
08:22 pm - nostalgia radio
I appear to have, at some point, downloaded a bunch of the music that was current around eighth grade and stuck it at the end of a playlist. I'm fairly sure I never listened to it before (I almost never use playlists). I mostly remember that every time we got to that part of the song, people would yell out "Tape decks!" so no scary grown-ups would notice that Wild Wild West had the words "safe sex" in it... no, really.
Which reminds me of the eighth grader at our catholic school who performed Like a Virgin in drag in the school talent show. Lots of yelling and school meetings to tell us how very bad it was. Even at the time (I was 9) I remember being amused at watching people try to squirm their way out of how virginity was good and wonderful, but virgin was a dirty word. I can't imagine he thought he would get away with it, and he wasn't getting anything out of it (except the silent admiration of half the school, granted). He just did it, apparently for the sheer joy of transgression and performance.
I am often perilously close to bursting into Add It Up in the hallway between classes.
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